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2010-12-27 03:29:32
TO: GOD FROM: THE DOG Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the ‘Chrysler Beagle’? Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog? Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog: 1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar. 4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’. 5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet. 7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’. 8. I don’t need to be immediately under Mom’s feet when she is carrying a laundry basket down the stairs. She can probably make it safely down without my help. 9. I don‘t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table. 10. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after. 11. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. 12. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 13. There is no secret exit from the bathroom. Mom or Dad will come out the same way they went in, so I don’t need to try to paw my way inside to follow them. 14. The cat is not a ’squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.