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2009-11-04 01:53:41
OK Patito --------------The Automated Doctor-------------- One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00. Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant . . . twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
2009-11-03 22:40:43
As much as I hate to admit it, ST, some of these are kinda funny.
2009-11-03 22:39:26
No doubt those fat, passive breeds are more tender and tasty and a lot easier to milk....but turn a herd of 'em loose to fend for themselves and most of 'em would be dead within a year...longhorns, on the other hand, thrive and multiply in the wild....so....superior? Depends on how much you're willing to coddle your livestock, I reckon.
2009-11-03 20:30:30
Hi Hi p p The cattle buyer got in his Escalade, drove to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy about 12 years old opened the door. "Is your pa home?" asked the cattle buyer. "No, sir, he ain't", the boy said. "He went to town." "Well ," said the cattle buyer, "Is your ma here?" "No sir, she ain't here neither. She went to town with Pa." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here? "He went with Ma and Pa." The cattle buyer stood there, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools is, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Pa?" "Well," said the cattle buyer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your pa. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant. The boy considered for a moment... "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps ya any, I know he charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar. But I really don't how much he charges fer Howard."
2009-11-03 09:04:11
Glad you finally realize that French cows & bulls are nice, adorable and beautiful...much superior ;-)